feminist as a married woman

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I am here for all the independent women. Praise the lord for all the strong, sassy, wonderful, kind women in my life that I know. But, I’ve been thinking about something recently. In fact, it’s something that plays on my mind, a lot. To me, feminism is so many things. But most importantly it’s the freedom of choice that makes me want to celebrate being a Feminist. Even in 2K17 I find myself interrupting men on a regular basis, reminding them that what they have said is pretty misogynist – trying to educate some can be pretty hard going but those are the first steps.

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I’m a wife. I love being a wife. I do like the connotations of being a wife too, (how many times can I say wife in one post?) The idea of playing house actually excites me a little. And, the whole part that is loving and caring for the person I want to spend the rest of my life with makes me pretty happy too. But, despite what some people may say, that doesn’t make me any less of  a feminist because I enjoy doing certain things for my husband and vice versa. And not least just because I’m a woman. I do them because I want to. And as a feminist I choose to do the things I want to do without fear of repercussion. It’s all about  that freedom of choice to say, “look, this is what I’m about to do and it has nothing to do with my genitals.”

On Twitter the other day I saw a tweet that basically said if you are gonna change your surname to your husband’s name when you marry you can rule yourself exempt from the feminist group. Wow. Just wow. I’m not going to not make my husband his dinner or not change my name just because the laws of feminism say I shouldn’t. I will always do what I want to do. No-one will ever stop that, no man, no woman or anyone that tells me I shouldn’t. Isn’t that what being a feminist is all about? Not conforming?

Yet seemingly I’ve found that to not conform is by conforming to a set of conformed feminist rules that dictate what you can and can’t do to qualify as a feminist.

Doesn’t that seem a little, somewhat, backwards?

Please don’t feel you need to speak on behalf of me just because I’m married.

I call bullshit.

I cook and I clean, and funnily enough, so does my husband (okay, the latter not so well.) But, I think as a mid-twenty something year old couple we are still finding the lay of the land of what works best in our household. Does it really matter if you carry out more “female related tasks” around the house or do I get worried about my right to be a feminist because I asked my husband to take a look at my car because I heard some funny noises coming from it? goddamnit, his trade is in the motor industry so of course I’m going to get his professional opinion on something like that. My vagina doesn’t actually dictate my requests when I ask someone to take on what is considered a “more manly” task.

But, having said that I will always ask or learn skills that are deemed masculine. And hell, I might not be good at them or even ever do them again but at least I can say I tried, right?

What I will say is that what I don’t like are men who abuse their positions in society just because they are male. Those who make scathing comments about women, those who think that they are better than women, just because they are a man. That I will never be on board with. And, if ever done in front of me, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (I think that’s they saying.) You bet I’m coming for your ass to tell you why you did or said is wrong.

Woman are stronger as one unit. No matter how much you feel you give to the cause, don’t ever stop and keep believing in equality. It’s not about one upmanship, ever. It’s about solidarity and never underestimating the opposite sex or even the same sex, because we all have amazing things to give to the world and we can all live by our own terms (so long as you aren’t being a sexist pig, am I right?)

Have you ever thought about feminism and how you contribute to it in society? Do you feel slightly threatened by feminism that identifies as a feminist whilst you are married?

(I had to write another sentence because it finished on 666 word count and I just couldn’t do that to myself, so excuse this awfully, random last sentence!)

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9 comments so far.
  • I really feel like feminism has become this exclusive club that is only open to those women who follow all the rules. Don’t take your husband’s name, make him stay at home with the children, don’t shave your body hair and on and on. But really, what feminism is really about surely is having the choice to choose? That women have the right to choose to change their name after marriage or not. To be a stay at home mom, a girl boss or a bit of both! To shave their body hair or not. We don’t have to conform to a one size fits all view of feminism. Feminism is all about standing up for what you believe in, calling out misogynistic pigs and living your best life. x http://www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x

  • Your last sentence – haha really!
    This is so beautifully written Bee!
    Holly xxx /// http://www.mrshollycrocker.com

  • Brilliant post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and I definitely agree with all of your points.

    Katrina Sophia

  • Nadia

    Being a wife doesn’t make anyone less of a feminist. I think it actually strengthens our principles, that is if a girl is married to the right guy 🙂 Never in my life, having grown up in Eastern Europe (which is considered backwards and labelled all kinds of things), I have been discriminated as a woman. In fact, not many people know this but the society in Ukraine (my home country) is very much matriarchal. Women RULE. In all ways 🙂 Sometimes it reminds me of the Amazon babes. They are in full control and they would be the ones dictating men what to do/say/think. Not because they are “mean”, “angry” or “unloved”, but simply because they can make a decision and they can take full responsibility for the consequences (and handle them like CHAMPS!). Men RESPECT them. I remember being treated like a PERSON that I was, not based on my gender/background/whatnot, throughout school, uni and professional career.
    It wasn’t until I moved to the UK 2 and a half years ago, I felt weak for the first time. Ever. Not permanently. But in a moment. When some men opened their mouths. Or when I was treated like crap applying for jobs. I am learning (and hopefully succeeding) to rise up and stand up strong to the “opposition”. Not in a mean way. In a kind way. With love. But firmly. And educating those who need a “lesson”. Thankfully, my husband is the most incredible person who understands the value of women, my value <3
    p.s. Excuse this mile-long comment, babe. Just had so much on my mind. Still haven't spoken it all but I tried 🙂
    xox Nadia

  • laura

    I think a lot of people have got a twisted view of what feminism is. To me – as I think you mentioned at the start of your post, its all about choice. Want to change your name? Amazing but it should be done because you want to not because society dictates it. I think for me I woulnd’t chance it simply because this is me – I’ve had this name for 28 years it would just feel weird to change.

    Something I’ve found around SOME married people is the feeling that they think their relationship is superior to mine, thats what gets my goat! haha

  • Glasses Girl

    It blows my mind that a woman making her own decisions is deemed not a feminist act – the point of the movement is giving women the choice. It’s not a legal obligation, it’s a choice. Also, you might make Mr C dinner, but why would that be any different to making dinner for your friend or your mum? It’s dinner, it’s not a requirement dictated by your genitals. I must admit, extreme feminism gets right on my tits, and I say that as a true feminist, wanting equality.

  • This is a,wonderful post Bee! Feminism should very much be however anyone wants to interpret it themselves. I for one am excited to take my husbands name, as and when that may happen! Alice xxx


  • I’ve never really thought about feminism if I’m honest, maybe I’m lucky in that I have never really felt the need to. Growing up I played football for numerous teams, I challenge the mould and I always put myself first rather than societies expectations.

    These days I love to cook, I love to take care of the one I love and that is nothing to do with being a woman, that is to do with being a decent human being. Not saying that those that don’t aren’t, far from it, but I want to look after Mr D and make him smile after a long day at work.

    I always aim to please and if that makes me a bad female then so be it.

    Emma | HarmonyBlaze.co.uk

  • It’s not really acceptable in feminist circles to criticise you for these things anymore – but I know some people still do and that’s really not ok. Don’t feel like other feminists are judging you for wanting to be domestic, because the people who are doing that don’t understand feminism! Be proud to be yourself 🙂

    However, I think what you need to remember is that women have been through hell to earn their freedom, and we are still fighting against a lot of people in the world who believe the ‘home’ is where all women belong. People who have suffered because of that expectation tend to find it hard to swallow the idea of women doing it as a choice I think!

    I am also married (though my husband took my surname instead of the other way round), and I think that being married is completely irrelevant to my feminism. What was the connection you were thinking of? I didn’t submit to my husband, I didn’t promise to ‘honour and obey’. I married him because I love and adore him and we entered into our marriage as equals. Before the Same Sex Couples Act I used to think it was a patriarchal institution of oppression but now that any couple who love each other can get married, I think of it completely differently 🙂



I'm Bee. 27 year old who is finally starting to understand herself. A Scorpio that's too nice to use that sting in her tail, regularly found searching for holidays or online shopping. Happiest when being fed, travelling & spending time with Mr C.






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