Hat Aldi | Kimono c/o Miss Tunica | Swimsuit c/o Protest | Birkenstocks Office
Summer is a hard time for a girls whose thighs rub together. Lets face it girls, Summer can throw a huge dilemma at us and most notably it’s the good ol’, affectionately coined “chub rub” that bites back with a vengeance. This year I was determined to not let that bother me (quite as much.) I’d worked hard every day for over a month on a little, ten minute exercise regime I completed morning & night. I wasn’t going to be skinny overnight but I was going to make a conscious effort to work on the things that bothered me.
With a sea of gorgeous girls posing on yachts and beaches, in far flung destinations. They suddenly appear in a 640 x 640 pixel square on our Instagram feeds. It’s easy for someone like me, who is my size to feel a little downcast and I’m very sure I’m not alone in that. Summer is a time a lot of us can dread. I don’t have a flat stomach (although lord, I pray I could have one, just one day) and my thighs are “chunky yet funky” (thank you Latrice Royale for making that the most perfect way to describe myself.)
Although, the idea of wearing bikinis has never bothered me (huge amounts.) When I’m on holiday I’m not impressing anyone, and for the most part they are generally people I’ll never see again. So, of course I wear a bikini but that doesn’t necessarily mean I love seeing myself in one.
But I’d set myself a little, personal goal that just for once I’d share a photo in a swimsuit whilst on holiday this year. After all, brands wanted to work with me on some travel and holiday content. I needed to make this work on a business level, too. But for me, that personal achievement of accepting my ever-changing body shape was even more important to me.
Like a stroppy teenager, I found a perfect spot to take my photos, away from the crowds and on cue and en-masse families decided to follow us making me feel slightly more self-conscious than I wanted to. So, we moved. Somewhere a little quieter, and we took the photos.
I tried to work it as best as I could, the casual “holding on to my hat, whilst my kimono floats in the breeze” kinda look, you know the one. Trying to be effortless, but all the while, feeling more like Shrek. You win some, you lose some.
When James turned the camera around I’d expected to see them and baulk. That I’d find a fault with the big dimples in my thighs from standing funny on the rock or that my stomach was protruding way more than I’d like it to after nearly a week of indulging on the All Inclusive option.
But something odd happened, I looked at the photos and smiled. I kept switching between the tiny screen on the back of my Canon and up to my husbands face. For once, I looked at myself and thought “FIIIIIRE.” You know, followed by a few fire emojis to complete that sass. The type of thing I’d post on someone else’s photos on Instagram and never even dream of giving myself that type of compliment. My swimsuit tucked me in and made me look “less bumpy” and the kimono had indeed blown in the wind quite perfectly. How had this happened?
So, ripe in the moment, I quickly transferred them over to my phone and posted one of them on Instagram whilst I was feeling brave.
And, as the messages, comments and likes came in I felt giddy. For a moment, I felt like one of those girls on a yacht loving life, even if it was just for those short ten to twenty minutes of the outpouring of love on Instagram. I didn’t feel guilty for one second for actually liking how I looked.
It was a breakthrough moment for me.
In the past I’ve spoken about being a curvy girl and the confidence that can come in ebbs & flows with it. One moment, I can be happy with how I look and the next week I’ll just look at myself and completely despair. It is just the way it goes. But please remember that that is normal. For anyone reading this, please don’t feel that you are alone in feeling this way. I’ve come to realise as I get older that this is how my body is and that ain’t going to change drastically overnight, and whilst I’m not 100% perfect or happy with the way I look fully, accepting the small flaws gives me the mentality to not be so hard on myself anymore.
So, if you’re feeling brave, I urge you to share those holiday snaps and not be afraid anymore. Bare it, warts and all. You may just surprised yourself and feel empowered from it.
