“I’M NOT SORRY. IT’S YOU, NOT ME.” | QUEENBEADY

"I'M NOT SORRY. IT'S YOU, NOT ME"

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All of my life I’ve known I’m a little bit quirky, a little bit different. I never liked to follow the herd. And often, I felt like I was penalised for that. Going through school despite having lots of friends there were still some god awful people out there. I’ll always vividly remember someone coming up to me on the school playing fields, grabbing my hair and pulling me in to a crowd of people to try beat me up. The reason for it, I was never quite sure of. I’ll also never forget the moment an older school girl smashed my head on a metal bar on the school bus because her brother was also picking on me. I’ve sadly had to face facts that there will always be someone, somewhere not liking me.

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE HATERS

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE HATERS

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE HATERS

There’s the old friend that somehow in her new friendship group decides to delete you and block you on all social media despite never quite knowing exactly what you have done to deserve it. There’s a local service provider I know, who for some reason when I walk in to her establishment she gives me the filthiest look every single time. And generally, through all walks of life there will be the people who will bad mouth you for no reason whatsoever.

When you find yourself faced with things like this, it’s hard not to start worrying if it’s you? The constant questioning, wondering if you have actually done something to offend these people to make them dislike you so much. And, on more than one occasion has beaten me down to a point where I’ve had zero confidence about who I am. It’s not a nice place to be.

I posted a little quote over on Twitter a while ago, and so many people rushed to say “but how can anyone not like you?” which is so very reassuring in the darkest of times. But, truth be told, the blogging community is the first community (bar some of my family and friends) where I have felt totally, utterly 100% happy with letting myself just be me. It’s helped me learn to trust people, to believe that there are plenty of good people out there (especially to outweigh the bad eggs!) and who want to be my actual IRL pals.

I know, crazy right?!

Over the course of the last six months I have made some changes to my life, such as changing my job, doing more exercise and generally taking more leaps with my blog, that have all definitely contributed to me feeling a lot more at ease with who I am. By surrounding myself in recent times with people who have my best interests at heart are what help me cope with it.

I’m much stronger at voicing my own opinion in a confident yet not bolshie manner, I’m content with the fact I’ve done everything I can in my power to be as nice to those who I have aforementioned don’t like me and I’ve grown thicker skin by accepting and saying, “I’m not sorry, because it’s you, not me.”

It would be very easy for me to block people out of my life, and trust me, I’ve shut down to so many people in the past when my mental health was at an all time low. But by realising that for every person that is there to try and tear you down and make you feel worthless, there’s about ten more who are cheering for and with you. Celebrating your successes with you. Laughing when you laugh and crying when you cry. Those are the people you need in your life.

Trying to combat the haters is never an easy thing to do, my 15 year old self would cry and worry about how someone was treating her and to some extent, I will always be a worrier it’s in my nature, but you have to remember the following…

“What Susie says about Sally, says more about Sally than Susie.”

A mantra, that I will always live by.

How do you cope with being a sensitive person? Do you let it bother you or do you take a no-nonsense approach? (Like I’m starting to!)

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11 comments so far.
  • Really interesting read! I recently went through something similar when a really good friend just up and stopped talking to me. I spent months wondering and worrying about what I could have done or said to cause this. It took a long time, but I finally realized that I needed to give myself a break: it was them, not me. Although I was still hurt, at that point, I was able to start moving on.

  • I couldn’t agree with you more Bee – when people are cruel it is always a reflection of insecurities in their own lives rather than having anything to do with who they say it about. You are bloody marvellous and if people can’t see that then thats their fault not yours! X
    Sophie Cliff

  • Laura Emilia

    I’m glad to hear that you’re starting to get better at knowing your own worth – I’m still getting there! Slowly, but surely, (I hope). I’ve always been quite insecure, and even though I know that not everyone can like everyone (there’s that amazing Dita von Teese quote that goes “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches” – I try to live by that!) but sometimes these things just get to you. But I imagine as we get older it will get easier – at least I hope so! xx

    Laura // Middle of Adventure

  • Amy Eade

    I think it’s important to remember that someone being nasty is much more a reflection on them than on us, but it is so difficult when you’re actually in the situation to not take it to heart! I’m quite a paranoid person when it comes to people not liking me, but I definitely want to tackle that! I’m glad you’ve realised that you are definitely not the problem you’re an absolute babe.
    Amy xx
    http://www.callmeamy.co.uk

  • This is such an honest post – you should be proud of talking about what happened in school and you will 100% always come out as the bigger person. I think everyone can relate to this at some point in their life. It is so lovely to hear that the blogging community has made you feel like yourself!! You’re an absolute babe, and if people don’t like you then it is their loss

    Abi | abistreetx

  • I struggle with the sentiment to not say sorry sometimes; I often feel guilty, even when something isn’t my fault and I know it… but I’m big time working on that!
    Great post to read Bee!
    AND HUGE CONGRATS FOR YESTERDAY!!!!
    Holly xxx /// mrshollycrocker.com
    https://www.mrshollycrocker.com/blog/2017/9/30/12-things-ive-learnt-from-blogging-daily-all-through-september

  • Oh my gosh, Bee. Those childhood experiences sound just awful! People, especially children, can be so cruel. And it 110% says more about THEM than YOU. I say kill ’em with kindness; if they don’t like you, so what? Be as nice as pie to them, and it’ll probably get right under their skin and you’ll come off being the better person 😉

  • I’ve also always been an outsider so relate so much to this post and totally agree that people’s cruelty is
    way more of a reflection of their insecurities than actually being about you but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I used to be sensitive but built up walls to protect myself which I am now trying to chip away at. Know that you are fucking awesome x

  • Sammie

    I remember a girl coming up to me at school, when I was about 10. You’ve not got a chin, that’s what’s wrong with you, I was told. Years of looking at models in magazines to see if any looked liked me…… its crap. People can be so mean. What’s worse is when they don’t grow out of it once leaving school. I love the blogging community and I’m so glad that you have found it to be a loving and accepting community as well. Speaking to my hubby, whilst on a journey to a hospital appointment this Monday, I told him about you. That you were a genuine, lovely and normal love looking gal. Please don’t take this last statement as a diss. It absolutely isn’t meant like that. I was applauding that you represent real beauty. As a mum of two teenage girls, both with different body shapes, having you as a role model, someone who can stand out in the wind without snapping in half. I’m not body shaming and I really hope this is coming across as a positive compliment? You are beautiful. Yes to look at you are pretty, but your beauty comes from your willingness to stand up and speak, to be photographed, in essence it comes from you being you. I recommended your blog to my girls and they love it. As a blogger I believe it is so important to support other bloggers. So happy I found your blog. Don’t stop being you xx.

  • Wow, this post really resonated with me! I had a close friend who met someone, got married, and that was that, she never spoke to me again. I’ve seen her a few times in person and not once has she made herself approachable. I have no idea I what I did to deserve it and it’s bothered me for about three years now. But now I can finally get the closure I need by reminding myself that I don’t need to be sorry, it’s not me, it’s her. x

  • Isabella Grande

    It’s startling and saddening to read how cruel people can be! I had never really felt bullied until my first year of college (which is crazy to me)! I still have trouble not letting what people do/say bother me, and I am still learning too. I think it’s always helpful to talk it out with a close, trusted friend so they can reassure me. I wish you all the best! xx

I’M BEE

I’M BEE

I'm Bee. 27 year old who is finally starting to understand herself. A Scorpio that's too nice to use that sting in her tail, regularly found searching for holidays or online shopping. Happiest when being fed, travelling & spending time with Mr C.

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