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This blog has been my baby for a good seven years. And whilst, it’s had it’s peaks and troughs it’s been something constant throughout those said years. There’s been long illnesses, loss of loved ones, break up of friendships, job changes and more so it’s easy to feel like this space on the web offers me something when there are both life-shattering and life-changing events going on around me. So, why do I feel so lost with it all and feel stuck in a major rut?

I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks now and I keep thinking about it. Thinking I need to keep posting and figuring something out to write here, so, here I am. Writing through it and at best, trying to figure it out.

When I won my award at the Bloggers Blog Awards in September I genuinely thought, “this is it, I’m gonna drive this blog so hard no-one will know what to do with themselves.” And quite frankly, that’s fallen flat on it’s arse.

The change in seasons is always an amazing time to start afresh. See things with a new perspective and I really, really, reeeeally thought that was what was going to happen. But, I guess life just doesn’t happen that way. Does it?

It’s not that I’ve fallen out of love with blogging, it’s far from it.

In fact, I want to put my heart and soul in to writing things for you. That is, if you will let me.

But there is such a pressure to keep up with the herd.

I love writing my think-pieces, but I always wonder if they get anyone thinking at all?I love writing and shooting my fashion content, but am I really that fashionable for anyone to care? I love writing my travel posts as it’s something I’ve always had a passion for, but isn’t there someone else out there, somewhere who is writing way more interesting content than I am?

My answer is: I don’t know.

To be honest, all through my life I’ve second-guessed myself. Even when I know I’ve done a good job. I guess that’s a small part of my anxiety rearing it’s ugly head too.

But really, the main question I ask myself is…

What is this all for?

My answer is: I don’t know (again!)

My blog is not something I can (at the moment) see myself making a full time income from – maybe if I put myself out there a little bit more, who knows what might come from it. But, my self-doubt outweighs this argument all day long, because even if there was an ounce of me making a go of it full-time I’d still, always worry I wasn’t good enough.

However, I think if I really had to answer that question is that this place is a bit of an online diary for me. Somewhere I can offload. Be it talking about a powerful subject that piques plenty of people’s interest to the really inane topics that people probably, really couldn’t give a shit about.

It’s a place where when my brain is full, writing things down is cathartic for me. The grammar police could probably knock on my door every time I post, but do I really, truly, honestly care if I have punctuated my sentence right, if the bulk of what I’m saying helps me or in fact, someone else out there?

This post in itself has been something for me to fill that gap where I’ve been worrying that I haven’t posted in a while. All these thoughts whizzing and whirring around in my head are now on a white screen that you may (or maybe not) be looking at. It might be utter bollocks but here you are, a little piece that has rounded up where I am right now.

I have ideas floating back in to my head that I want to write about. I want to take this blog to somewhere where people can come along to and feel like they’re talking to their big sister and I can help inspire you to do something that will help you each and every day.

It might be a big task, and a rather narcissistic one at that. But I want to do this for me, and for others too who may have lost themselves a bit along the way that might not always feel confident in their abilities (like I have on so many occasions.) But, we all have it in us to be the best version ourselves, don’t we?

So, hopefully by writing this out my rut will come unstuck and the direction on my blog will continue and (fingers crossed) prosper!

Thanks for sticking around, be it, for all those years or even my newest readers. I really do appreciate it. I’ll stop yapping now!


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7 comments so far.
  • Oh, Bee. This post is exactly what has been going through my mind lately. Don’t doubt yourself though. You’re amazing and this blog is for you first and foremost. It’s so easy to feel like you can’t keep up with everyone though. I know I definitely feel like that at the moment which is why I’m giving myself a break to recoup and get my mojo back. I seem to have this feeling every 6 months but I’m taking some time out so I don’t feel as pressured, to get a plan together, figure out what I actually want to do and do that thing 100%. Whatever that thing may be. I have no doubt that you’ll find your way again soon 💕​

    Emma | Paper Planes and Caramel Waffles

  • Hi Bee… oh lovely, don’t doubt yourself at all! Your words, your beautiful photos, all of it so slick and together… you, amongst a handful of others, are my inspiration to try myself and try harder all the time!
    You don’t need to follow the herd, or work out all the whys… just do what you want / when you want.
    Just be you. Be Bee – that’s all you can be and that’s ace!
    Holly xxx ///

  • I think it can be sooo easy to get stuck – and when I rebranded, that was exactly why. I think taking a break without any pressure or guilt can be really valuable to help start thinking about what you want – your audience will always be here! xx

  • I think I’ve said this before, but as a (relatively) new reader of your blog I am here for you. There may be hundreds upon thousands of blogs doing the same thing when it comes to fashion, or travel, or whatever, but it’s your perspective on things that keeps me coming back. I can see why the award might have prompted a crisis of confidence, but all it is is a sign that I am not the only one who thinks so.

    Next time you have something to say, I very much look forward to being here to read it.

    Lis / last year’s girl x

  • It’s so easy to suddenly look at your calendar and realise that in the past month you’ve only written one post. Days turn into weeks and suddenly there’s so much pressure to get up a really great post and come back with a boom. But keep doing what you’ve always done and we’ll still be here to lap up every word! Alice xxx

  • I know what it feels like to get stuck in a rut, especially when it comes to blogging. It can feel like there’s so much pressure on us bloggers to really drive our blogs and make them the best they can possibly be. But I find it best to take a step back and reevaluate why I blog. Is it for all the readers, the views and because I want to be the next Zoella? Maybe a little. But it is mainly, like you said, an online diary. Even if I had ZERO readers, I’d still blog because I just love it. It’s cathartic, and I honestly don’t know what I’d do without it. Take as much time as you need away from your blog, because when you come back you’ll be renewed and so ready to go! x x

  • I can empathise so much with this. I wrote a very similar thing in my recent post “the ghost of autumn past” and how i’ve had such doubts over my blog – questioning if people actually read, why i do it and where it’s going. But the reason i DIDN’T delete was a message i received – it was from a girl who said how much a blog post i wrote helped her. It made me realise what TRULY matters, what i truly value.

    Maybe make a list of everything you enjoy about blogging/gain from it? It may seem cheesy, but it honestly could help you recapture the reasons you started and felt motivated to come this far. Play devil’s advocate too; the reasons you feel demotivated. Having the two sides written down could help you feel less lost?

    Sending all my love. For what it’s worth, I LOVE your posts and you were one of the first blogs i ever followed!

    Bumble & Be



I'm Bee. 27 year old who is finally starting to understand herself. A Scorpio that's too nice to use that sting in her tail, regularly found searching for holidays or online shopping. Happiest when being fed, travelling & spending time with Mr C.






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