You might think, “well, that’s a pretty standard word to use for my word of the year.” And you’re all groaning “Yes Bee, you like to travel and explore. We get it. Just shut up now.” Well, to me it way more than just that, travel. Of course, the word explore does mean a lot of adventure. I want my days off to be filled with exciting trips around the UK and my annual leave to be filled with dreamy destinations, who doesn’t? But for me, the word explore can mean so much more than what first meets the eye.
2016 had some serious highs, amazing adventures, great laughs with friends and families and so much more. But, it was also filled with some incredible lows. Most of which I can’t even explain. I was questioning my own sanity and mental health for a couple of months. Major panick induced meltdowns, crying all the time, the feeling that something or someone was ripping my chest out when I felt like I had failed (but I hadn’t even failed at all.) It was not a good time to be me (or anyone around me for that matter.)
Explore is a great word. And I hope you will agree with me when I explain what it means to me.
I want to explore myself. I want to make sure that I explore each avenue when my MH becomes an issue in my life because not only do I want to be the best version of me for the most part, I want to be able to understand the ways in which I can fulfil that promise to myself too.
Recently I made my New Years Resolutions, one of them being to remember the mantra “what will be, will be” each day. My failings are that I want to try control situations, not necessarily in a domineering way, but because I’m scared things will go wrong and that bad things will happen. To do this, I’ve been reading a few books to help me through this. The first being the Chimp Paradox and soon I’ll be starting the Happy: Not Everything is Bad as you think it is. (Both pieces of reading material were advised by a friend who was similarly experiencing terribly anxiety.) By allowing myself to explore new ways of self-help (rather than bottling it all up) it’s impacted my life in the most positive of ways, which I am forever thankful for.
As I’ve never been officially diagnosed with anxiety, I rarely like to make admissions on the blog about mental health. But, those who do suffer in ways which I do, diagnosed or not, we all know how debilitating our minds can be and change how we perceive ourselves and everything around us. I don’t feel like I need a label on it to know that those days where you just feel sick to the stomach (to the point you are physically ill) and can’t face the world because you feel like everything and anything will be pulled from beneath you if you put one footstep wrong, it’s a gut feeling and not a very nice one at that. It’s horrid state of mind to be in and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. It’s also a feeling I find very hard to explain, making it even more confusing.
Exploring new ways to deal with these attacks will hopefully set me up for a much better and mentally healthy 2017. I’ve taken the first steps acknowledging that not everything is hunky dory and how I can try and at least fix or manage certain aspects of it. That’s the first steps on the road to recovery. Right?
The last month or so has been so great knowing that I am on top of it all. I feel more like my happy self right now and it’s a frame of mind I’d like to stay with.
Of course, with the word of the year being EXPLORE I’m hoping travel will feature quite heavily too. With three trips planned for the first three months of 2017, it would be super to see if I can fulfil a trip each month both in the UK and abroad. Canada is high on our hit list so that would be an amazing destination to get to, although, I’m not sure it will be due to time constraints. We love the idea of heading back to Greece. The food, the people, the views are all equally to die for. Travelling allows my mind to break mentally free from the everyday stresses of work and life. It’s my way of switching off too, so it makes sense to incorporate this as well.
Have you assigned yourself a word of the year? If so, what is it? I’d love to know. Also, my inbox is always open to those who feel like this too, chatting to others can help. I won’t always have any advice (because duh, I’m not qualified) but sometimes a lending ear is all you sometimes need.
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