Today I really struggled. Sometimes tears just have to fall despite trying to keep your head above water. It would seem that tears keep falling a bit too frequently at the moment. To me this indicates that I’m not just swimming without a paddle, I’m slowly sinking. Things are tough at the moment and those things that are just going round my head like a whirling derby. I need to start taking my own ”Happy Selves” advice but sometimes it’s hard to sing from your own hymn sheet, you know?
I’m making slow positive steps and creating myself a new diet and exercise plan, to motivate me, but once I make a positive step I seem to jump a few hurdles back. I’ve been somewhat lacking in motivation for the last few months. With a countdown to our holiday in Egypt I think it is the welcome break I need after a very crazy, roller coaster year. This month marks a year since my dear Granddad was taken in to hospital with pancreatitis, a very deadly disease. It was a raw & painful 5 months and the family pulled together through some of our darkest times. He defied all odds, and there were a lot stacked against him, but he came home earlier this year to open arms.
It seems the winter months are the hardest, for most people they are. The dark mornings, the pitch black nights. You barely live an existence (or that is how I feel, which is probably down to my own personal issues). But, things just generally start going wrong at this time of year. Planning forward I know I need to see a light at the end of the tunnel & I am slowly getting there but it’s pulling everyone else dear to me in to the light too. I take on not just my own personal battles but the ones of those I love and surround me, too.
2014 was a beautiful year for James & I, we got married and it was a wonderful day celebrating just him & I. A day I will never forget. I am thankful for those moments and it’s them that I need to cling on to to bring me closer to feeling 100% right again. I’d hate for this entry to end on a negative note. One day I am a half empty glass kind of girl and the next it’s half full, even brimming. I suppose that’s my exuberant nature of my personality. It is like a see-saw and I just need to find that balance.
Footnote: I had a chat with my boss after writing this and it felt so great to just release all the demons that have been plaguing me recently. It was so nice to speak so openly and honestly with someone that you look up to and respect without being judged. The advice was sincere and genuine, I know I’m going in the right direction by asking for help rather than drowning on my own. I can do this. I just need to always remember,
