There’s a feeling in my stomach. I feel rather sick. I’m not coming down with anything. Oh wait, it’s that dreaded feeling from the night before. I haven’t got a hangover either, but I do know I spent a shit-load of money getting love-drunk on Black Friday. How can anyone resist the temptation of the sales and wonder of these magnificent sales that come round each year. The thing I love most about them is that it’s all heavily discounted current season. You know that faux-fur, long line coat I’ve been lusting after on Dorothy Perkins at £75? Well, come Friday it was mine at the swift price of £37.50. I was not going to miss out this year. Shopping is practically my favourite hobby and if it’s something I enjoy, then why the hell not? Here’s the motions that we all go through during the Black Friday Weekend Sales.
The fact that payday fell exactly on the Black Friday sales I knew that it was going to do some serious damage, but did I really know to what extent? Just me?
I’ll feel really smug when they open their amazing gifts and I’ll know that I saved a pretty penny doing it and it will have required minimal effort all from the comfort of my own home.
Who the hell are these crazy animals that actually go into the shops on Black Friday? Madness. Madness I tell you.
Feeling even more smug.
The night before. I’ve not made a list, SHIT. I’m screwed. I literally have no clue what to do, where to start? What am I going to do? I literally cannot think of one single Christmas present anyone would want.
Oooh, I could really do with a pair of new winter boots. You know, ones that will last me a lifetime.
The morning of the sales. SHIT. Log on to EVERY SINGLE FRICKING APP you have & just pray for the best. Where do I begin?
Novelty socks? Expensive electrical items? Extravagent beauty boxes. DAFUQ AM I GONNA DO?
Surely I can’t buy my Mum the same perfume I have every single year in like, FOREVER? Yes I can at half price!
Looks at my basket on each app. Face palm. Does Mr C really need another set of pants? Or socks. He has millions of socks. They breed, I’m sure of it. Deletes basket.
Oooh look at that coat (yes see first paragraph, this is the dream coat we are talking of.) It’s fricking half price?! Oh Lord have mercy. Someone is looking down on me today.
Ooh and that shirt would just look DIVINE with it. I’ll be adding that to my basket, oh and of course I do need those boots too.
Maybe I’ll just look at some other sites….. for me. (NB: Note that this is number 13, unlucky for some! This is where it goes downhill.)
I need another candle, because well, you can never have too many candles.
Oh my god, my favourite Molton Brown smellies are on sale. Can I get away with giving this as a “gift” to Mr C? Sure.
Goes to basket, how the F have I spent that much, but jesus, I need to spend £5 more to make it up to free delivery.
Ooh I really could do with that novelty pug Christmas bauble. No-one is going to noticed. Adds to basket.
FREE DELIVERY! YES! Not only have I saved a shit load of money, it’s all getting delivered to my home FREE. OF. CHARGE. Take that suckers.
Oh my god, I’ve not bought my Dad’s present. Shit, shit, shit. What am I going to do?
Vouchers? Vouchers are always good. But there’s no discount on vouchers. Suck it up Beadster, the safe bet is always best.
Tallies up how much I’ve spent… FFFFFFFFFF.MMMMMMMMMM.LLLLLLLLLL. How on earth did that I even happen? I could get a small mortgage with that! (Okay, over exaggeration, but still! SWEET BABY JESUS.)
27p cans of beans on toast it is for the rest of the month, chaps.
But at least I’ll look good doing it in my brand new coat.
I’ll look damn good.
Shit.
Any one else? Or just me. I’m pretty sure most of you are probably nodding your head in agreement with me right now. Excuse me whilst I now go cry in my 100% wool coat, it had to come in handy for something, right?
Bee xxx
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